A symmetrical evergreen bedecked with ribbon garland, white lights, and glass ornaments sits in the front window giving off a subtle pine scent. The soft sounds of carols play throughout the house, mixed with the crackles and pops coming from the glowing embers in the fireplace – the perfect counter to gently falling snow outside. And in the kitchen, mom pulls a fresh batch of cutout cookies from the oven.
Um, yeah. I don’t know whose house that is, but it’s not mine. In fact, yesterday I didn’t even have an oven in my kitchen for baking cookies. And there’s no room for a tree in our living room because of kitchen carts, tarps, and one uninstalled toilet. Our fireplace is buried behind the refrigerator, kitchen table and cabinets.
We’ll get the house put back together soon enough. And there will be a tree and a fire in the fireplace and cookies in the oven. But I’ve given up on striving for the “ideal” holiday. Much as I’d like to envision my family enjoying a magazine-perfect Christmas, reality says it’s not only not possible, it’s not even preferable. These idyllic images come at a price. They take time, energy, and money. And ultimately they require a level of control that none of us has.
We set ourselves up for disappointment every year when we put a checklist of expectations on our holidays. They’ll never match up on every count. And in fact, we may miss the value the very flaws themselves bring to our homes. I’m guessing my kids will remember more clearly this year where Christmas decorating was postponed as we scattered to friends’ and family’s homes to live while our floor was being refinished. It will stand out in relief against the backdrop of all the other Christmases where the day-after-Thanksgiving-putting-up-the-tree tradition was kept.
What will you do when reality and expectation don’t line up this year (as surely there will be at least one aspect out of sync with the holiday of your dreams)? Will you do as the Who’s down in Whoville and choose to sing anyway in spite of the lack of Christmas-as-you-wished coming? Will you embrace the flaw as a memory-building opportunity? Or will you miss the celebration because you’re caught up in a lament for what couldn’t be?
I’m hoping for the resilience to find a celebration amidst the imperfections.
If it’s sickness – minor, major or terminal – that is throwing off your plans, be sure to check out this article I wrote with tips from experts and everyday moms on how to weather sickness amidst the holidays.
Now tell me this, dear reader: was there a time where the thing that threatened your celebration ended up being the source of fond memories? Share your story with us here.
