Do you remember the vultures in Disney’s 1967 Jungle Book movie? The Beatles look-alike, sound-alike characters? I often think of their patter, “What we gonna do?” “I dunno. What you wanna do?,” when I think of the indecisiveness that can creep into motherhood.
If your answer to the question: “what do
you want to do?” sounds frequently like those vultures, it might be a clue that you’ve grown out of touch with yourself.
I wrote Bucket List Living For Moms out of a desire to help other moms reconnect with themselves as individuals and enjoy the thrill that comes from fulfilling our dreams while raising children. I wrote it because I had been down that path myself of losing touch and having to find a way back.
I’ll never forget the day when one of my children was quizzing me about my “favorites.” You know: favorite color, favorite music, favorite food and so on. As preschoolers, they loved to talk about favorites. But in this instance I found myself stammering, wracking my brain for answers. I got as far as my favorite color (blue) before I stumbled.
How could I not know what I liked? What had happened to me?
That day was a wake up call for me. It made me aware that always yielding to others’ desires was taking a toll. And the truth was, my actions weren’t one hundred percent altruistic. Out of laziness or fear of making a “wrong” choice, I too often left decisions up to my husband or been swayed by my children’s whining, instead of deciding what I would want. It had caused me to miss out on opportunities (like the Chris Isaak concert we bypassed because no one realized how much I loved his music). I was hurting myself by not paying attention to my own tastes. And that had to change.
Of course it took a few years and a bit more of an identity crisis before I began in earnest the task of making it a priority to know myself and honor my preferences and dreams. But once I did, that’s when the adventure began!
And you know what? Doing so was good for my family too. They didn’t have to guess as much about whether I would enjoy something or not. I could see that they genuinely appreciated seeing me happy.
I want that for more moms (without so much of the identity crisis, hopefully). It’s amazing to see how just thinking through a few questions about past hopes and future goals can bring us back to a surer sense of self. And it’s thrilling to see how that plays out in creating a more vibrant family life.
Here’s an exercise to help you reacquaint yourself with who you are: if you’re on Pinterest, create a board for your favorite color and then collect pins displaying it in all its brilliance (you can see mine here). You could also gather pins that reflect your clothing, culinary or home decorating tastes.
So tell me, can you name your favorites? And do those around you know them? Share in the comments one “favorite” that you’re known for and one that maybe you need to communicate more clearly.
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Some of my favorites include (like you) the color blue (I also have a Pinterest board dedicated to that color), teapots (yep, have a Pinterest board for that), unique doors (you guessed it, another Pinterest board), trees (I draw them, paint them, photograph them….pin them on Pinterest..tee hee) . . . my list of favorites could be its own blog post. 😉
Jenn – fun! I have a question: had you keyed in on those interests before making your Pinterest boards? Or were you inspired by Pinterest? I ask because I discovered that I too have a thing for unique doors while pinning to my color board.
Pinterest has helped me with a lot of my interest, yes, but the doors were already there from my ventures throughout the country. I had to move a lot from 1994-1998 (Maine, New Jersey, New Mexico, Oregon, California, New York, Massachusetts, back to Maine) and I (for some strange reason) was attracted to doors the most when seeing all the different architecture during those travels. (I drove from state to state during most of the moves.)
Lara, thanks for these thoughts. I have recently been working on trying to better identify my personal mission. As you know, I have a lot of interests, so I sometimes bounce around from one to the next. I really admire your focus! Some of my “favorites” include Sharpie markers, Washi tape and creating projects with my Silhouette. My favorite color is green. I have two favorite clothing stores. My favorite camera brand is Canon and computer is Apple…. I could go on and on! I am quite loyal to my favorites! 🙂
Even with a lot of interests, I do feel like you communicate them clearly, which makes you better known to those around you. I admire you for how you do that (and your loyalty to your favorites).
Ah, yes I have been there but have slowly found my way back to what I love and do it whether others come along or not. Kayaking comes to mind. I’d also forgotten I used to like country music.
There is that whole aspect of doing it whether anybody will join you that we have to relearn too, huh? Good for you! So do you blare the country music now?