During a recent months-long crisis in our household, I surprised myself with how much strength I had as a mom. I gave myself to caring for my family like never before. But I also stretched myself thin, emotionally and mentally. I went to bed drained more nights than not.
When others reached out with offers of help, I tried to take them. But I often didn’t know how to respond or what exactly I needed. I realized then how unprepared I was to take advantage of opportunities to sustain myself.
I don’t think my situation is that unusual. As moms we can be great nurturers – for everyone but ourselves. This is particularly true in times of crisis, when our family needs us to stay at our best. All of our energy goes toward keeping our family afloat. And while we may know it’s a good idea to take care of ourselves too, we just doesn’t have the wherewithal to figure out what that would look like.
Which is why I suggest we plan for self-care before crisis hits. We need to be students of ourselves to learn what would help us most. Having just gone through it myself, here is what I wish I had created (and how you can create your own):
A Crisis Self-Care Plan
Decide now that you matter enough and it is important enough for you to have a strategy in place for how you will care for yourself. Then create a plan from the following prompts and put it in a safe place, like the back of your daily organizer, or the inside of your medicine cabinet (having it where your husband can see benefits you by giving him a tool for helping you out).
- Think of those people in your life who are the most supportive, positive and encouraging. Write down their names. Then, when you need to know that someone has your back, or if you need an upbeat distraction from your difficulties, you’ll know exactly who to call for a chat on the phone or over coffee at Starbucks. This may or may not be who you would call to help with the actual emergency/difficulty.
- Consider what most brings you comfort, that could bolster your spirits during the hard times. Maybe you have a favorite place to walk or meditate. Or a comfort food. Write them down on your plan.
- In crisis sometimes our need is for escape – to do something entirely different that takes our mind off the present difficulties. Name your ideal escapes. They may be ordinary, like “go to a movie (alone, which can be an adventure, as Shelly Najjar suggests).” Or they could be entirely new ventures. Believe it or not, a time of trial can provide a great motivation to check something off your life list.
- Make a list of “quick rechargers” that you can go to when brief opportunities for respite appear. Things like “take a nap,” or “watch an episode of Downton Abbey” Try to come up with ten or more that you can rotate through, should your crisis go on for a while. It’s important that you find time daily for self-care.
Knowing you have this written down, you can approach a crisis with more confidence. Instead of adding regret to the list of emotional burdens you bear, you’ll have concrete answers to offers for help. You’ll know who you want to be with and what you want to do, when you have time for yourself. And those around you can have a better idea of how to direct you toward keeping yourself well when tough times hit.
Sue LeBreton says
Every little bit of self care pays off in these situations.
Lara Krupicka says
Sue – I know you speak from experience. Thank you for chiming in!