Why I Didn’t Create an Over-the-Top Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day yesterday was low key at my house. My husband cooked an amazing meal for me on Sunday. I gave him chocolate and each of my girls a little Valentine’s candy on the 14th.

Over-the-top Valentines Compared to the heart-themed-breakfast, love-notes-in-lunch-boxes fusses many of my fellow moms made, it doesn’t sound much like a bucket list celebration, does it?

There’s a reason for that.

Over-the-top celebrations aren’t sustainable for me. And I would argue they aren’t healthy or sustainable for most. They raise the bar and set expectations such that we’re often scrambling to find ways to make the next event memorable, to wow our kids or spouse or friends or social media followers with our creativity and pizzazz, to outdo ourselves. And in the process we cheapen everyday life and rob our kids of anticipation.

Going big has become such a way of life in our culture that I suspect we’re losing the ability to appreciate the ordinary. Our sense of perspective has been skewed by this desire for every milestone or occasion to be bright and amazing. When Valentine’s Day and St. Patrick’s Day and Easter share the same level of riotous hype in a household, how do kids learn which of those days is most significant?

When teenage girls become accustomed to up-do’s and manicures and professional makeup for homecoming dances, preceded by an elaborate “ask” by their date, then prom must include limousines and multi-hundred-dollar dresses and fancy “after parties.” But what’s left for the day they become engaged? And how can they help but expect the type of wedding that requires an exorbitant price tag when a mere high school dance merited so many frivolous expenses?

We have become so focused on giving our kids everything now, that we are leaving nothing for later. What will your children’s bucket lists look like when they reach their 20s and their 30s? When they are your age, what will they be hoping to do? How will they not be bored in retirement having done it all already?

More importantly, what do your kids bucket lists look like right now? In the wake of the hype and the busyness and the constant need to go big and achieve much, I’m hearing from kids how they just want a day to hang out at home and do nothing. They want a break from it all. Are you brave enough to give it to them? Or do you fear making them feel “left out” by not giving them every over-the-top experience you think their peers are getting?

Break the cycle. Dare to be the parent who invites their kids to enjoy the ordinary and leaves some bucket list experiences for the future. I know a lot of other moms who would appreciate it. And I’m pretty sure in the long run, your kids will too.


1603UdemyDisct Feeling exhausted from trying to match the over-the-top expectations prevalent among parents? Are you still eager to give your kids meaningful experiences that bring your family closer? I can teach you how. Check out my book Family Bucket Lists, or take my online course, Bonding Through Bucket Lists.

Universal Studios Family Bucket List Trip on a Budget

Your teen loves Harry Potter. A trip to Universal Studios’ Wizarding World of Harry Potter would make her year. But you’re frugal. How do you reconcile the two? How do you create a bucket list experience of it, without breaking the bank?

The secret is knowing where to splurge and how to find deals. I’m going to share with you how earlier this month I managed to take four people on a five-night trip to Florida from Chicago that included airfare, hotel and 4-day Park-to-Park tickets for Universal Studios Orlando for just over $2,000, while still managing to wow everyone in the family.

Universal Trip InfographicThere are multiple methods for saving on each aspect of the trip. The details I’m sharing here offer just one example of how it can be done. What I want to key in on is how saving on some aspects of our trip gave us room in our budget to splurge on others (although “splurging” didn’t always involve money – but I’ll get to that later).

Here’s how it worked for us:

AIRFARE: 4 economy round-trip tickets from O’Hare International (ORD) to Orlando International (MCO) on American Airlines

COST: $36.39, plus 56,673 Citi Thank You Points

HOW I DID IT: Early in 2016 I applied for a Citi Thank You Premier card. The card came with a bonus offer of 50,000 points (now 30,000) after spending $3,000 on the card within 3 months. It earns 3 points per dollar on travel (airfare, gas, tolls, etc.) and 2x points on dining & entertainment. After earning the bonus I continued to use the card primarily for gas purchases. When it came time to book our flights, I looked for Economy MileageSAAver award seats on American Airlines using airline miles I have in my AAdvantage account. This would have cost me 25,000 miles plus $11.20 each, RT. But I couldn’t find anything available for four people during the weeks I wanted to go. Then I remembered my Thank You Points. I did a search for award tickets again, this time using the Citi Travel Center. That’s where I found the RT tix for 56,673 points and $36.39 (versus 100,000 miles and $44.80). SOLD!

I would call that an intermediate/advanced miles & points booking. Although award seat availability can be hard to find on American itself, you may have success doing a straightforward booking with miles there or with a different airline (especially Southwest, where you can book any available seat using miles). If you can use airline miles or credit card points (like Citi Thank You or Chase Ultimate Rewards*), your travel costs will drop dramatically. You don’t have to be a frequent flyer to accumulate those miles either, as I just demonstrated above.

HOTEL #1: 3 nights for 2 doubles at the Holiday Inn Express Nearest Universal Studios (not to be confused with the Holiday Inn Express Across the Street From Universal Studios – which was actually closer to the park gates).

COST: $338.91

HOW I DID IT: I’m an IHG (Intercontinental Hotels Group) Rewards Club member. I have points I could have used, but not quite enough for all 3 nights. Or I could have used my annual free night (from having a Chase IHG Visa). But at $95.09/night, the IHG Rewards Club rate was low enough that I chose to book with cash and save my points and free nights for another occasion.

HOTEL #2: 1 night for 2 queen beds at the Holiday Inn Express in Spring Hill, FL.

COST: 10,000 IHG points plus $59.50

HOW I DID IT: As with Holiday Inn Express in Orlando, I booked through the IHG Rewards Club. This time I used a combination of cash and points (which is handy when you want to stretch your points stash). The regular points rate was 15,000 points, so effectively $59.50 bought me the additional 5,000 points I needed. Again, this was a good enough deal for me and allowed me to hang on to my free night for future use.

Note: I earn IHG points by using the IHG Visa. You can earn bonus points when you first apply for the card and spend $1,000 in three months (as of Jan. 2017 the bonus is 60,000 points, which would get you up to four free nights at one of many of IHG’s hotels). IHG hotels happen to fit our needs well, so this is a card I’m happy to pay for, especially with a free night certificate at your card anniversary. The $49 fee (waived the first year) is worth it!

HOTEL #3: 1 night for 2 queen beds at Sheraton Sand Key Resort in Clearwater Beach, FL

COST: 10,00 Starwood Preferred points

HOW I DID IT:  First of all, you have to know that this felt like a splurge! We had a room on the 8th floor (Club Lounge was on the 9th), with a partial view of the Gulf and beach. In other words, this was what Sheraton calls a “Deluxe” room. I had booked a “Classic” room, but I also let the hotel know that this was a special visit for us as it was our girls’ first time on the Gulf and I wanted to make it memorable for them. If there was a room available, would the hotel consider giving us a nice view. My request paid off and it had the exact effect I was hoping for. We were all wowed – not just by the room and the view, but by the hotel and its location in general. The pool area was beautiful and tropical feeling, the beach pristine and inviting. If only it hadn’t been a high of 50 degrees the day we were there! Our girls still enjoyed finding seashells on the beach and we all spent some time relaxing in the hot tub.

The other reason this felt like a splurge is that SPG points are harder to earn. I applied for the SPG Amex card in 2015 and received 30,000 bonus points after spending $3,000 in 3 months. So this one night cost a third of that bonus. In my book though, those points were totally worth that free night! The cash value if we had paid for that room would have been $483. The enjoyment we got from it? Priceless!

PARK TICKETS, FOOD & INCIDENTALS: $1,648

HOW I DID IT: Park tickets is one area where I don’t have many tricks to share with you, other than comparing prices between Universal and Undercover Tourist. Even so, the cost of park tickets doesn’t vary much (although if you know you’re going to visit Universal Studios, don’t wait to buy tickets as they occasionally implement price increases. It ended up costing us about $80 more through Undercover Tourist when I finally bought them than when I first priced them out – not a big deal, but every penny counts). That’s why it’s a good idea to maximize your savings on travel & accommodations.

If you’re not using points for the hotel and you belong to a warehouse club, then it’s definitely worth looking at their packages. We could have saved $150 on the cost of hotel and park tickets combined if we had thought to look at Costco’s offers before booking the non-refundable rate we got at the hotel.

RENTAL CAR: If you’re only visiting the theme parks, then you probably don’t need a rental car. Just be warned that the shuttles that run from hotels outside Universal Studios Resort have a limited schedule and limited seats. Don’t count on being able to hop on at any time. That said, we were comfortable walking from the Holiday Inn Express to the park. It was only about 25 minutes and for us it was good to be outside in the nice Florida weather (having left wintry Chicago the day before).

We did rent a car for our trip because we wanted to spend some time over on the Gulf Coast. I ended up finding the best deal through Costco. Which is to say, take a look at all the options you have for booking a rental car. AAA, warehouse clubs and even some auto insurance networks offer discounts on car rentals.

FOOD: There are ways to save on food without buying groceries and packing sack lunches (which Universal Studios discourages). We did bring a handful of snacks along on our trip, a few of which we brought to the parks each day. That helped when we wanted a quick bite and didn’t want to blow a ton of cash on theme park snacks. I also made sure we stayed at a hotel with free breakfast. Yes, I know free hotel breakfasts often aren’t that great. But yogurt and fruit is about the same anywhere, if you’re okay with that. Cereal too. In our case the vacation was about the parks, not the food.

We also kept in mind portion sizes when ordering in restaurants. Even on site at Universal, the portions were large. For the most part, we would split meals, which always seemed to be enough to fill us. On occasion the girls or I would get soup or salad, which was lighter and less expensive. Lunch we ate at the parks because it was more convenient. And then usually we ate dinner at an outside restaurant. Having Chick-Fil-A Cow Calendar cards came in handy for Mike & I to save money on one meal (although the girls forgot theirs). I think also if I had planned ahead, I would have picked up a few chain restaurant gift cards from our Discover Cash Back rewards account. That would have cut the cost of dining when we weren’t in the parks.

We did occasionally splurge on dining though (remember, I’m all about splurging strategically). Trying Butterbeer in Diagon Alley and eating at The Leaky Cauldron were amazing experiences that we didn’t mind spending more on. And a seafood dinner in Tampa was another worthwhile splurge.

INCIDENTALS: I want to point out one splurge in this area. In a previous post I go into more detail about this, but I felt I would be remiss not to include a mention here as well: we bought our daughters each an interactive wand at Universal Studios Wizarding World. At $50 each, they were beyond our usual budget. So instead we made them part of our girls’ Christmas gifts (their dad presented them with bow-topped dowel rods on Christmas morning, with the promise of the real thing on our trip). This splurge, more than any other, made the trip for our girls. Again, read my previous post to learn more about that.

Phew! I know that’s a lot of information, but I thought it valuable to share with you details about how it’s possible to keep your budget under control while making an epic trip like Universal Studios that’s memorable for everyone.

Feel free to share your own tips for saving on a theme park trip in the comments below. It’s ideas like these that make it possible for families to take their own family bucket list trip sooner.

*While I don’t participate in affiliate programs, this is a personal referral link. This means I earn points when you sign up. I only include this because I highly value the Chase Sapphire Program and heartily recommend it to anyone who asks about traveling using miles and points.

31 Days of Everyday Adventure Recap

31-days-dated-logoWhat a month it has been! I had every intention of participating in The Goal List’s 31 Days of Everyday Adventure (you can read more about it here and here). And indeed, I looked at the list of small things to do every week and noted what I would do. Each week I accomplished one thing. But there were also a number of not-so-everyday adventures in our family that kept me from being able to catalog those adventures here. The month is not over though. I thought I would give a recap of what I did now, in hopes that you’ll be inspired to continue with your own everyday adventures in December (and beyond). And be sure to check out other 31 Days of Adventure Posts on McVagabonds and Life’s Simple Adventures.

Week 1 – Write a Gratitude List

I posted about this at the beginning of the month. I have to say that it helped me to keep a thankful frame of mind all the way into Thanksgiving week. I think it could make a good activity to start each month with a gratitude list.

Week 2 – Compliment Someone You Don’t Know

I always feel awkward handing out compliments to strangers. Like what if they think I’m being nosey or too personal? But most of the time I don’t let that stop me, simply because I know how good I feel when someone I don’t know notices something they like about me. In this instance, I was out shopping and saw a woman in a swingy long coat that had a very glamorous flow to it. It made her look confident and classy, but at the same time approachable. So when she passed me by I mentioned that the coat was very becoming on her. She smiled and thanked me and then flowed on her way. Maybe she didn’t need my admiration. Then again, I do think for us women it helps to be reminded that we should wear things that make us feel good. Because life is too short to always go out looking and feeling dumpy.

Week 3 – Go to bed early today, so you can enjoy tomorrow more.

I tend to get distracted with reading at bedtime, either a good book (I’m currently devouring my daughter’s copy of Cinder – we met the author this month, which of course is an out-of-the-ordinary adventure, not the everyday sort) or mindless Internet drivel. This often means I turn out the light later than I intended. But I did get to bed by 9:30pm one night. That’s early. And it felt like an indulgence. The next morning I asked myself why I don’t do that more often. I indulge in watching Netflix while I fold laundry (if you’re a Downton Abbey fan, you should check out The Crown). Why not indulge in calling it a night earlier at least once a week?

Week 4 – Meet Someone New and Strike Up a Conversation

This one feels a little bit like cheating. We were invited for dinner at a friends’ house along with three other families this past weekend. I had met two of the women before, but didn’t really know them. So it was an entire evening of conversation with new people. None of them were American born, so it made things even more interesting – learning about their countries of origin and what brought them to the United States.

Week 5 – Give Away Something You Own to Someone Who Will Appreciate It

I hadn’t set out to accomplish this adventure goal intentionally, but when the opportunity presented itself last night in my crawl space, I had to seize it. I can’t divulge what the item is, but while I was putting away bins from Christmas decorations, I came across a box in the crawl that happened to contain something on a family member’s Christmas wish list. It’s brand new and was given to us at a special event last year. We had tucked it away in the crawl, unopened, for the exact reason that we knew eventually someone else would appreciate it more than we did. And I had completely forgotten about it until I opened the box.

Have you participated in the 31 Days of Everyday Adventure Challenge? If not, what are you waiting for? Pick one of the adventures and give it a go. Shelly did a great job making the challenges doable and interesting. And many of them involve other individuals, which means you have the opportunity to impact someone else’s life for the better in the process. Which is what this season of year is about – bringing light and joy to others.

 

November Bucket List Life Dare: The 31 Days of Everyday Adventure Challenge

november-2016-bucket-list-life-dareThis month I’m honored to team up with Shelly of The Goal List in her month-long challenge: 31 Days of Everyday Adventure. Shelly and I share a very similar outlook on bucket lists – that not every bucket list experience has to be over-the-top expensive or in some way monumental. Adventure comes in all shapes and sizes. To illustrate this and help others learn how to embrace adventure in multiple forms, Shelly’s challenge contains “31 Small Ways to Bring Adventure Into Every Day.” From complimenting a stranger, to learning a new dance move, to being a tourist in your home town, the options are all doable. For many of them you may find yourself nodding along and saying, “I’ve been wanting to do that for a while now.” Let this challenge be the kick in the pants you’ve been needing.

Each week I’m going to share one thing I’ve done in response to the challenge. This week? “Write a gratitude list. Start dreaming by being thankful for what you already have.” It’s an appropriate start to the month during which we celebrate Thanksgiving here in the U.S. Here’s my list.

I’m grateful for:

  • the Chicago Cubs winning the World Series (how could I not be, as a lifelong Cubs fan??).
  • my husband who has put up with me for over twenty years now.
  • my parents, who I’m lucky to get to visit with every week.
  • my three girls, who are all fun and interesting in their own ways.
  • a job I look forward to going to every week, with great co-workers.
  • the community I live in, that often does live up to the name a customer service rep once mistook it for, “Neighborville.”
  • my writing coach and fellow parenting journalists, who all push me to take my writing to the next level.
  • the women of the Redbud Writers Guild, who help keep me keeping on in my writing journey while not forgetting the God who enables me to write.
  • Alex, the white schnozzle rescue dog who keeps me company when I’m home writing and makes us all laugh at least once a day.
  • the ability to pursue my bucket list dreams and help my family find adventures that fit them and their personalities.
  • the options and opportunities available to my kids in their education and extracurricular activities.
  • the small group Bible study that meets in our home and the couples we’re getting to know through that.

31-days-dated-logoI could continue on for a while. I have so much to be thankful for. How about you? Have you ever written a list of what you’re grateful for? If you haven’t, give it a try – you might be blown away. Or if that’s not your thing, sign up for the 31 Days of Everyday Adventure challenge for daily prompts throughout November. You don’t have to do them all (although imagine how adventurous your life could be if you did!), but I’m sure you’ll find at least one way each week to step into adventure.




Bucket List Bonds: Another Reason the Cubs Win Was Such a Big Deal

I have talked often about the way going after life goals brings connection (it’s the theme of my video course, Build Stronger Bonds Writing Bucket Lists). And usually I’m talking about connection in the present tense, with those in your life today. But this past weekend in Chicagoland I witnessed how powerful that bond can be even with those gone from our lives. Like my grandma.

bucketlistbondscubswinGrandma Seman loved sports. When she moved from her home in Hawaii to a suburb near ours a few years after my grandfather died, I got to spend a lot of time with her. On almost every visit to her house, her tv or radio would be tuned in to a Chicago sports game. To this day, I take great comfort in the hollow sound of a ball game on AM radio. Because it brings back those days at Grandma’s house.

While she enjoyed sports year round – football, basketball, and hockey, Grandma’s favorite team by far was the Chicago Cubs. She would sit in her recliner with a crochet project in her lap and give her own play-by-play of the game. She’d exclaim over runs scored and scowl at what she thought were poor calls. And more than anything, she’d talk about the players. Grandma knew each one by name, reputation and background. Andre Dawson and Ryne Sandberg came up most often. But she could chat just as fluently about Mark Grace, Shawon Dunston and other ball players. And like many Cubs fans before and after her, Grandma suffered disappointment after disappointment.

It’s hardly news that the Cubs finally had their day when they beat the Los Angeles Dodgers in the fight for the National League Pennant on Saturday. All over the Chicago Metro area longtime fans danced for joy, sang “Go, Cubs, Go!” and shot off fireworks. My own daughter shrieked and bounced all around the house (and she’s only waited 17 years, nowhere close to what others have).

My first thought was of Grandma. How thrilled she would have been to see her Cubbies get to the World Series. As she did with other Cubs’ wins, she would have talked like she never had a doubt they’d do it. Grandma always had faith that the Cubs could go far. Seeing them win the National League pennant would have been on her bucket list. Which made it a bittersweet day.

Turns out, a lot of other people were feeling the same way. That win brought back the memories of so many Cubs fans who longed to see their team go to the World Series. Social media lit up with people giving shout-outs to those they wished had been alive for that day. The connection in that moment of a long-awaited dream come true spanned generations and even death.

If you ever wondered about the power of a life goal to bond people together, talk to a Cubs fan about last Saturday. They know that power.

It also explains why Steve Goodman’s song, A Dying Cubs Fan’s Last Request, has such staying power. Take a look: